Caution: If you don't / won't read long posts - go ahead and skip this one! Otherwise - read on!
A year ago, on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, my life was impacted in a way that I will never forget. I had faced the death of friends and family members many different times through the years. But on that morning one year ago, the death of my friend, my Chairman of Deacons, my confidant, my warrior who had my back - Simmie Hollinghead - brought me up short!
Something happened inside me that morning! I was almost useless in trying to comfort his dear wife and family, who experienced the pain of his death more than me. All of the years of dealing with death and dying, of endless funerals and times of distress, caught up with me! As difficult as that day and the days following it were, I had no idea that more was to come.
A year later, I still miss my friend. There are days that I still find myself tearing up when I think of him. We had forged a wonderful relationship. I could pray with him, I could be myself with him, I could say whatever was on mind - right or wrong - without being condemned by him. I could blow off steam with him. Lot's of "I's" I know! But it was true. God had given me the pastor's ultimate gift - a friend who stood in the gap for me! Simmie felt this was his gift from God and a part of his ministry to the church.
He lit up a room! You always knew when Simmie was present. A vet of Vietnam and a member of the Airborne gave him a hide as thick as steel plating! He could take a "hit" and keep on going. His encouragement to me was truly a gift from God. I had never known anyone like Simmie before this, and I have not found anyone quite like him since. I miss him so much.
Simmie's death led me to a point I had never been before within a matter of days. I found it increasingly difficult to work - and to come to a place of comfort. While I was counseling someone else who was going through a difficult situation, I unexpectedly broke down and started weeping! That was disconcerting to me to say the least (and not so great for the person I was counseling). At that point I knew I had to have help!
I began grief counseling! Not only was it a life and mind-saver, the grief counseling continued through a series of deaths that were to come. We had a couple of deaths in which I played a role in the services. However, another good friend in the church, Yogi Jones, suffered an aneurysm. Yogi was another great friend. He called me "boss!" Don't know why - he just had a unique way about him. Yogi was a behind the scenes guy. He did not make a lot of noise, but he was wise and could fix anything made by man!!!
We rode motorcycles together, we talked together, and he took care of all our church transportation. In addition, he served on our baptism team - he never got tired of watching new Christians get baptized!
Yogi, unfortunately, had to endure a good number of days in the ICU before the Lord took him home. It was a painful time for his family. Again, I don't claim to have experienced their particular grief. But his death, coming within weeks of Simmie's, was another kick in the gut of this preacher. I continued grief counseling.
In March, my Dad had a heart attack! That got my attention again, but he seemed to recover from it fairly well and life kept on. Then, my wonderful pastor friend Lowery Anderson from Gulfport was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer. On my first visit with him, his sweet wife Kandi left us alone. Lowery, always the life of the party, turned somber and serious and asked me to conduct his funeral! I could hardly get a breath. What I thought would surely end up being a miracle of the Lord in healing turned into a homecoming in heaven within about three weeks. Lowery was one of those fellow ministers I could talk to and not fear being repeated. We shared a heart for so many of the same things. He was one of those blessings that God gives to us. I preached his funeral. It was the most difficult thing I have ever done. My best deacon friend, one of my best church friends, and a pastor friend who was my confidant in ministry - all gone in the space of about 5 months.
As I type this, I am filled with wonder at the strength and comfort of God. Until June or July, I was still having trouble not breaking out in tears without warning. But God has been faithful! He has comforted! He has encouraged! He has provided help through wonderful people! Terri Stanley-Nolfe, my grief counselor, was another gift from God! I praise Him for people like her who take their own pain and loss and turn them into ministry to others.
So, it is has been a year today since all this started! It is hard for me to believe that one year could be so different than all the others. I can also remember believing I would never get through it all - but here I am - and I am stronger every day. The tears have not been nearly so frequent lately - until the last couple of days. Today, and now, I find myself tearing up! Part of those tears are still tears of loss - but some are tears of joy that our Lord has given so much to me to comfort during this year. Praise God! Without Him, my life would be hopeless. Because of Him, I still know there is hope for me - and for those whose losses have been so much more than mine.
Simmie, Yogi, and Lowery! What an eternity they must be sharing!!!
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