Tommy Mitchell / The Rurban Church Blog

The Comforter! My Most Difficult Post!

Since I could not get to sleep right away tonight, I started reading some old posts from several years ago! I ran across this post - from February 2008!  Even though some of the events that prompted that post had been painfully blogged about in previous months, the February post was the most difficult!

That post confirmed my suspicions - I had a breaking point!  Years of dealing with the grief of others, and in just a few short months, the loss of three very special people in my life, left me completely unable to help others.  Writing that post was, at the time, an admission of defeat on my part! I was embarrassed, humiliated, and to be truthful, afraid of what was happening to me! 

I had always, up to that point, seemed to handle whatever came my way!  But, I was running on an overload of accumulating grief that was leaving me unable to cope with anything or anybody! 

Several wonderful things happened that week!  Leadership in the church were SUPER sensitive to my needs - and enabled me to seek out grief counseling for myself!  The grief counselor was a God-send!  The "intervention" that was recommended was for two or more weeks without any ministry to people! No handling problems - no counseling - no preaching - no preparation - just working on my own emotional health!   I cheated!  I took one week! But it made a huge difference!

The grief counseling continued for several months - but oh how it helped me!  It has continued to be a blessing all these years laters! I now take great care to deal with my own grief when faced with a loss! I've learned the warning signs that I am beginning to get "full" of other people's stuff!  And I have learned how to shed most of that without interrupting the rest of my work!

But I will never forget the day I wrote that blog post! I really believed that I had totally failed! It seemed to me that our church would surely look at me as weak and damaged - not the sort of guy with whom they would ever want to talk!  

All of that was nonsense!  I experienced a great deal of love! I experienced a wonderful time of healing! I experienced the comfort of God in a new and powerful way! 

Life's experiences sometimes take us by surprise - and leave us wounded!  But God's redemption and grace is strong - His healing is real - and if we pay attention - we learn lessons to last us for the rest of our lives! 

I had forgotten about that post until I saw it tonight! I smiled to myself as I read it and remembered all the accompanying fears and feelings that I had when I wrote it!  I smiled because all of those fears were unfounded - and God has continued to be a wonderful healer!

What Can We Do?

Our county has experienced the deaths of some well known and much loved folks over the last week! A Lucedale city police officer, a former school principal, a well loved (almost 100 year old) lady from ABC, a dad with health problems,  - and our Sheriff! 

In the midst of all these deaths, I have heard the question over and over, "What can we do?"  It is wonderful that we respond to grieving families with the need "to do something!"  That attitude propels us to take ownership of helping to resolve their grief!  So, we begin immediately by bringing food!  There are many reason for this - but the primary one seems to be that we want to insure that meal prep is not on the agenda for the bereaved family - and that all the family and friends who will be arriving have something to eat when they need it.   It is a wonderful thing that we do.

Now, related to the Sheriff's death, there is very little that I can or would reveal about those circumstances. And, I would always protect the confidentiality of the family!  But there is one thing that I have heard over and over, spoken very publicly to anyone who will listen by Debbie, the Sheriff's wife.  And I think it is the one thing that most of us fail to do.

I have heard her tell nearly everyone who asks, "What can I do?" something like this.  "Whatever you feel you should be doing - do it now! Value, cherish, and spend every moment you can with those you love. If there are things you think you should be doing, don't wait! Do those things now!" 

The advice is not new - but it is very appropriate, timely, and powerful coming from her lips! It got me to thinking.  We always ask "What can we do?" after a death.  We should be acting before there is a death. We should be "doing" for our family, our friends, our spouses, our children now! 

What can we do? If there are people you admire for their service and dedication to the community, then tell them now.  If there are acts of kindness and service you have been thinking about doing one day, do them now. If there are things you need to tell your spouse, tell them now. If there are things, fun to serious, that you need to do with your children, do them now.

The Sheriff was a fabulous friend to me. We almost always ate lunch on Thursday.  I was scheduled to be out of town last Thursday. He called me on Wednesday morning about a matter, and I am so glad that I told him about my Thursday conflict. I went ahead and asked him if we could have lunch that day. He said yes and I finished up in my office and drove to town.  We ate, along with a few other guys, and then in just a bit, he was with the Lord! "What can I do? "  I have asked myself that question a lot these days - but at least this one time - I did something that has provided me with a memory I will cherish forever - I did not wait to spend time with a friend!

What can we do? We can get busy living out and joining God's work! We have today! And we hold it quite loosely in our hands!

On Death, Dying, and Funerals (FINAL PART 10)

Well, I think 10 posts is enough - they are not at all exhaustive on the subject - but 10 is enough.  My teenage daughter thinks so!

Here are a closing round of random thoughts that might be helpful for ministers:

1. Watch where you step in the cemetery.  Nothing like standing in a fire ant bed to liven up the graveside service!  Also, make sure there is ground under the "funeral grass" close to the casket.  I've nearly lost a leg before, and I had a good friend go completely in one time.

2. Be helpful to the funeral director - he will be helpful to you!

3. Dig in the scriptures - there are many precious jewels there to preach from!   I think of the passage in Revelation 21:1-5 where it says, "There was no longer any sea!"  I actually preached a funeral message from that passage focusing on that verse.  Look it up and dig deep. There is a great message in that phrase.

4. Love people!
5. Love on people!
6. Love with people!

7. Did I mention - love people????  The love of Christ for people who lose their friends and family members is beautifully documented in John 11.  If Jesus can weep, so can I.  If Jesus can openly grieve with people, so can I.

8. I know it may seem trivial - make sure your car has plenty of gas BEFORE getting in the funeral procession.  Since your up front, it tends to hold things up a bit when you run out of gas!

9. Dress right!  There may be some places where it doesn't matter - but I have not found that place yet!  Wear a dark suit and tie to conduct the funeral.  Buy one if you don't have one! 

10. Oh, and love people! Yeah, I know I mentioned it before!

On Death, Dying, and Funerals Part 9

Just a few more suggestions for pastors/ministers who deal with death regularly.

Everyone eventually develops a "rythmn" for how they conduct themselves with a death in the church family.
Here are some things that have been helpful to me.

1. Make personal contact as soon as possible!  Yes, I know deaths happen during your day off, your kid's ball game, you family shopping trip.  But - being a pastor is the job you signed up for!  Yes, there are others who can do some of the ministering. But - a personal contact from the pastor as soon as possible is very important!  I first try to make that contact by phone.  If I can make that connection, I try to find out where they are, their circumstances, and their immediate plans.  If I am in the middle of something very important - I just tell them that I am out of pocket but I will be coming their way - and I tell them when.  Which leads to number two!

2. Be present as soon as possible!  You know, if my wife or child died, I would hope that someone would come pray for me - hold me - and encourge me!  So, if at all possible, I drop what I am doing and run by - for a few minutes or much longer - whatever is warranted!

3. Be looking for needs to meet!  There are a host of things you can spot if you have an observant eye and ear!  Your church members are going to want to do things to help!  There usually are very practical things that can help - depending on where you live!  Where I live, the funeral home does not supply limos for the family to ride in - which means they will be in their own vehicles. So....
            Does their car need washing?  (I am not suggesting that you do it - but point it out to members who are eager to help! Recently, when a very good friend of mine died, a man in our church had my vehicled cleaned for me - it was so thoughtful.)
            Do their shoes need shining?
            Do they need groceries? (usually family & friends are coming)  Many churches (if not most) will provide food for the home during this time.)
            Do they need money?  Many people do not have much in savings - or a huge cash flow. Yet they will have to pay for many expenses related to the funeral - besides paying for the funeral itself.  Sometimes they really need "walking around" money.  They have family that they need to help to get home.  Usually they will answer, "No, we're fine!"  And I usually respond that we have money available, and if they got some anyway, would they use it.  To that I often get a yes!
            Do they need housing for extended family?
            Do they need some help with making calls to family and friends?
            Do they need the yard mowed? This one you can really see on your own - just get someone to do it for them!
            Do they need family picked up at the airport?
You certainly may ask a family what they need - but often they are so overwhelmed that they cannot remember anything. So, take the list above - flesh it out - and ask someone a couple of questions. You will probably find some needs for your members to meet.
            
4. Make a courtesy call to the funeral director.  In a busy church, the family often does not know of events that are planned.  Calling the funeral director to inform him of things that are ongoing at the church can be of great help in planning the service. 

5. Back to Presence - Everyone pastor does their own thing here - this is just what I do - and I have been well served by it.
        The day of the funeral visitation - I do my best to attend unless I am in some other urgent or prior engagement that I cannot cancel.  More than that - if the family is to be at the funeral home at 4:30 pm or 5:00 pm, I try to get there about 10 minutes before they do.  One of the hardest times for a family is when they first go in and see their loved one.  This is a tender time - and a time that I feel I can be most helpful and supportive.  In our town - I usually have the opportunity to pray with the family before they go in - and then - after the family has seen their loved one - pray with them again before the public comes in.  After that prayer - l leave.
       The day of the funeral service - I try again to be there when the family arrives. 

        After the funeral - for the weeks beyond - it is important to stay at least in phone contact, and in person from time to time.  We are in the process of being able to offer grief counseling through group support - and now we also refer them to a grief counselor if they would like to go.

6. Attention to Detail - Conducting a meaningful funeral service is done by paying attention to detail.  Take the time to talk with the family. Make sure you know of some of their proudest moments - funniest stories - favorite scriptures - wonderful accomplishments!  Weave these into your message.  I do not know of a way you find out this information without spending some time with the family.  Presence is a detail!

7. Just try!  You will note that I have regularly written - "I try...."  More than one time I have left the hospital for the birth of a baby to go to a funeral visitation or the funeral itself.  More than one time I have been engaged in a counseling session that I just could not cancel - or a speaking engagement - etc.  I try to be as present as appropriate - while also trying to insure that our members know what is needed.  By the way, the folks at ABC are wonderful at ministering during times of death.  They make my job so much easier.  And, my staff helps as well.

On Death, Dying, and Funerals Part 8

UPDATED -SEE BELOW IN BOLD

Ministers / Pastors - here are a few things to remember as you prepare to preach a funeral message!

1. The person has already lived all the life they can live!  It is not wise to embellish their life, or to somehow try to continue it for them to a new personality! 
2. Resist the pressure of other folks to make them into something more or less than they were.
3. Try to weave some of their life story into your message.  When possible, I like to illustrate God's word with stories from the life of the deceased.  This is a bit harder when the person is an unbeliever.
4. Make sure you preach Jesus!  There is no greater comfort you can give the family than the written and living Word of God.

SPECIAL CIRCUMSTANCES: SUICIDE

Funerals done as the result of suicide are a bit more challenging. As a minister, you can really help a family and friends in more ways than one during the service.

First - whether or not the person was a believer, I always tell the family up front - the day before the service, that there are too many studies that indicate suicide can become a "family thing" depending on how it is dealt with. (huge oversimplification on my part).   So, I tell them that I am going to address it - tastefully and quickly.

Here is what I do - In the early parts of the message I tell people that John was a man who obviously came to the end of his life with burdens and struggles beyond our understanding.  We love him and still do - and now (for the believer) he is with the Lord!  A person who does this is not thinking clearly - and we should never choose this path because it takes away so much from everyone else that we love  - as you clearly understand today.  So do not choose this path. Talk to someone - seek help - but choose to live through your difficulties.   Now, also be reminded that a person's salvation is in the hand of the Lord, and nothing can separate us from His love, even taking one's own life!

Now having acknowledged the issue, you are free to preach the word of God. And it didn't take more than a minute to acknowledge what everyone is thinking about and worrying about.
UPDATED: I realized when I read this back tonight - it sounded rather cold - like talk between pastors about handling difficult circumstances. I certainly did not mean to imply that in a minute we can simply dispatch with a painful circumstance.  Rather, in as short as time as possible, I try to acknowledge a very painful reality that may never make sense to anyone.  MORE BELOW:

In all special circumstances - most of which are untimely deaths - the death of a child, death by murder, death of teen-ager, death of husband and wife in an accident - all of these are emotionally difficult. But they have the same answer - faith in the Lord God. UPDATED: In these special circumstances, the answer is faith in God - but that does not mean I can make sense of an issue this side of eternity. I have experienced losses in the last few months of great, Godly men! They still make no sense to me - but ultimately I can only express faith in God that in time or in eternity, I will come to understand them better.

Having preached so many funerals, I have a particular interest in listening to other preachers and how they handle the issues and the scriptures. My only beef after 30 years - I occassionaly hear a preacher just stand and do an extended eulogy.  I agree with sharing some personal stories and all about the deceased, but if you do not preach Christ and His comfort, it is not a Christian funeral ( in my opinon.)  If all I can offer a family is that which is past - then how will they make it through tomorrow?

As challenging as this can be - every man of God must remember one thing (which is true for all of ministry) - you are accountable to God more than you are that family. Be true to the Lord, true to the scriptures, and true to yourself when you preach a funeral.

I HAVE MORE TO SAY - SO THERE WILL BE A PART 9 and 10!

On Death, Dying, and Funerals Part 7

When I was pastoring in my 20's, I would get a little frustrated that people would not always talk to me about their difficulties.  While I could talk about life and death and loss from a Biblical perspective, I really couldn't talk about it much from an experiential perspective - I just had not experienced much loss in my 20's.  Some say that you really don't reach ADULTHOOD until you are in your 40's.  I understand that sentiment more today than I used to. And I understand the reluctance of 60 year old folks to seek counsel from a 21 year old pastor!

Well, now that I am about to turn 50 in a few weeks, mortality is also much more on my radar screen than it used to be.  I hardly ever thought about the possibility of my own death in my 20's and 30's.  That is probably natural.  When I hit the 40's, I thought about it a bit more.  But as I prepare to move into the 50's, suddenly I think much more about it - in some rather different ways.

In some form, practically every wedding I conduct includes the vows "until death do we part."  I have begun to place a little more emphasis on that thought during premarital counseling sessions. My purpose is not to depress the prospective couple, but to get them to think of the permanency of marriage, and the reality that one day - they will have to say good-bye.  So, they should build a life of Godly, beautiful memories.

We all expect older folks to die - but I am afraid we do not consider as fully as we should how painful it is for that couple of 50+ or even 60+ years to let go of one another.  I was sitting here tonight thinking of that little phrase, "until death do us part."  WOW!  I love my sweet bride so much - I can't imagine a day on earth without her!  At one level, I wish I had known in my 20's what I know now - that the years, months, weeks, and days seem to speed up as you get older.  When you are 20, you don't think you will ever get to where you want to go or be what you want to be soon enough!  Then, when you turn 50, you wonder where the last 30 years went. And you wonder, will I be average? Do I only have about 25 or 26 years left?  Will they go as fast as the previous 30 years?

Well guess what?!  When I was 20, no one ever sat down and really told me those things. It wasn't that I didn't pay attention - somehow, we fail to convey from one generation to another how quickly life will speed up.  I don't know if anyone is paying attention now to this blog, but if you are in your 20's or 30's right now - let me give you some advice.  Quit wishing your life away.  Live each day! Cherish each day.  Value your relationships!  If you are married - remember that phrase in your vows, "until death do we part."  Make it your goal to love each other every day - make every precious memory you can - serve the Lord together - and take nothing for granted.   Be ready to live for the Lord and die in the Lord!  Don't live each day under the cloud of death - but don't move too far from it's shadow!  Remembering that you have vowed to live together until death alone parts your physical relationship, live such a life that when that day comes, you will have few if any regrets.

For the next 25 or 30 years, Lord willing, that part of my vows - "until death do we part" propels me to love my bride more passionately, tenderly, faithfully, and thoughtfully than ever before.  In light of eternity, my aim is to make every day count for the Lord - to be ready to "cross over" whenever He calls.

I think I have only a couple more posts on this general topic!

On Death, Dying, and Funerals Part 6

We have an active Discipleship Training program on Sunday evenings at ABC! Last year we offered a series of "Life Classes" for our people.  It was not that they did not have a spiritual component, because they did. We have found however, that the church could do more to help its people handle life better if we taught some practical classes on subjects people tend to avoid!  Good stewardship (getting out of debt), CPR Training and Basic Lifesaving, and Funeral Preparation are some examples.

We invited a local funeral director to our church to teach a short course on things people should do to be prepared for a funeral.  The class was conducted with excellence - and the funeral director interjected an appropriate amount of humor to keep the class lively!  We all learned some very good and important things that every person needs to know.  This is a class we will repeat. It gives people good information in a relaxing setting that is not emotionally charged.  Preparation of a will, pre-planning a funeral, being knowledgeable of the family finances, having life insurance, etc. are all matters people should think about from time to time.  A married couple may not want to dwell on death that much (who does?) but if you have dependent children, it is not good thing if you have not asked other family members or close friends to take care of your children should anything happen to both parents.  This needs to be legally stated!  It is not that complicated - but it could mean all the difference for your children's lives if a tragedy were to occur.

Now, I am really not trying to reteach the course in this post - just point out that a church really is providing a ministry to her people when such courses are taught.  This is another way you can help your people be prepared for death - and not have to make so many decisions when tragedy has occurred.

On Death, Dying, and Funerals Part 5

There are two things that I think of today that pastors could do to help their church be more helpful to the membership and the community during times of death.

First, share with your people some things "NOT TO SAY" when trying to comfort those who have lost loved ones.  The more you educate your people, the more helpful they will be verbally.  Suggestions:

       1. It is not necessary to say much of anything.  A hug is helpful - say "I love you. I know you are hurting and I promise you I will pray for God's strength and comfort to overwhelm you."  Really, that is about all you can say!  Some folks feel compelled to say so much more - that is when we say things that are intended for good - but can be very hurtful.

        2. Don't say - "I know how you feel."   But, I lost my spouse like they did - so I know!  No, you don't. Everyone grieves differently and each relationship is unique.  You certainly may know the pain of loss - and it may be similar to what someone is going through - but it would be better to say, "You know I lost my spouse a few years ago - so I know this is difficult. If you ever want to talk - let me know."  But you truly do not know exactly how somone else feels.

          3. Don't say - well - STUPID STUFF!  A young lady lost her husband.  They had small children.  At the funeral home another lady came up to her and said, "Oh honey, don't you worry. God will take care of you. You're young and pretty - you can get another husband."
              Equally bad statement to a parent who has lost a child - "It will be alright. You can have more children."
              Another one - "God is just working His plan in your life. Just wait on Him!"  That is a rather messed up view of God's sovereign will.  It certainly is not comforting!
             Yet another - "All things work together for good!"
             Another - "I've found when bad things happen - wonderful things are just around the corner!" 
             Another - "Just give it time - in a few weeks you will be fine!'
             Another - "I knew this was going to happen - but, I just didn't want to say anything!'
             Another - "God never puts more on us than we can bear!"
             Another - "At least you know he / she is watching you from heaven!"  (poor theology)
             Another - "You just need to hold your chin up and get real busy!"

I'm sorry - there are so many things that people say that are "off the charts" that I can't possibly list them all.

         4. Be careful with the questions!  We ministers need to teach our people not to ask too many questions. Even though the pastor may have a close relationship with survivors, even our seeking out information for the purpose of helping should be very carefully worded and timed.    One question that grieving people never quite know how to answer (and actually come to dread) is the standard, "How are you doing?"  How does someone answer that question?  "Oh, fine!"  "Peachy!"  or "I cry all the time!"  "I can't control my emotions!"  "I'm angry at God!"  Can you imagine all the further "sermons" from somewhat well intended people if they heard those responses!

In reality, some people do not return to church and large groups of people because they can't bear being asked over and over, "how are you?"  It just reminds them of how bad they feel! 

There may be an appropriate person - and appropriate time to ask the "how are you doing?" question. But it is usually better to just say - "Hey, I have been praying for you and thinking about you.  Anything I can do for you today?"

Some nosy people also seem pressed to find out if there is very much life insurance about!  It is almost never appropriate to ask personal financial questions of someone who has lost a spouse.  Perhaps the pastor if he suspects that things are financially difficult!  But even then, the amount is nobody's business.

Second,  make sure your church is equipped to offer help through it's people and ministries.  We have just begun the training process to offer GriefShare, a grief recovery program for people suffering loss.  We also have a certified grief counselor to whom we refer people if they would like to talk freely with someone.

We always offer a meal to the family after a funeral service. It is just a gesture of love and support.  We should probably do that for the unchurched - it would be a fantastic connecting point in a time of need.

We try to be sensitive to their needs during times of illness leading to death. Picking up groceries, helping with the lawn, the car, and running errands help people so much - before and after death.

Providing meals in the home can also be very helpful.

There are dozens of ministry touches that a church can do to uplift a hurting person before and after death.  Our church folks should consider that one day they will need these same acts of love - so it is good to be involved in helping others.
            

On Death, Dying, and Funerals Part 4

Every pastor would do well to take the time to learn about funeral "customs" in the community or area where he serves.  In my early days of ministry in North Mississippi, I knew the customs - because I had grown up there.  We moved to the Louisville, KY area in 1985 so I could attend Southern Seminary.  It was in Kentucky that I learned, the hard way, that funeral customs can be different!

At that time in north Mississippi, most, if not nearly all people had a closed casket service.  Many people believed it to be at least eccentric to leave a casket open during the actual service.  I was at my first service in Kentucky.  I had done the visitation (called a "layout" in this KY town) the night before.  The funeral director stepped in with me and the pallbearers just before the service started.  His able assistant was giving directions.  One direction that caught my attention and put me on high alert was when he said, "remember, at the conclusion of the service we will want you to stand in place in the hall while we close the casket and then roll it out to you!"  I leaned over to the funeral director and asked him if the casket would be open during the service. He looked at me and said yes!  That's when I discovered funeral customs were different, but not before I stuck my foot in my mouth. Leaning over to him again I said, "so this is one of those 'unusual' families."  Looking back at me - he smiled and said, "You are from Mississippi, right?" I confirmed that to him and he said, "Get with me after the service! I always have to educate Mississippi boys on how we do things around here."

So, I attended and preached my first ever funeral service with the casket opened for the whole occasion.  I could not help but notice that the family and friends gathered seemed like normal folks!  I made it through the message - but was not totally comfortable.  Soon enough I discovered that practically everyone through central and northern Kentucky conducted open-casket funerals. I got used to it - but to this day feel that it still makes it harder on the family - it is hard to keep from being distracted from the words of comfort given when all they can see is the body of their deceased love one. (my opinion).

Interestingly, when I moved back to Mississippi years later, I discovered that in North Mississippi many funeral homes had stopped doing the grave-side service.  I'm not real pleased with that either.  I think the graveside service provides a definite ending point - a break, if you will - that is needed emotionally and spiritually.  (my opinion)

So, just a word of warning - if you are a minister and you move very far from your area or state, BEFORE you have a funeral (which might happen any day) go to a couple of funeral homes and talk to some folks about the customs present.  It might keep you from doing or saying the wrong thing.

On Death, Dying, and Funerals Part 3

It was bound to happen!  I started preaching at a very young age - 13.  When I got my driver's license at age 15, I preached quite often - filling in for pastors who were away or sick!   One day, during the time of invitation at the end of the message - it happened!  Someone responded!  Not just one - but 3.  Two wanted to receive Christ as Savior and one wanted to surrender to preach!  WOW!  It shook me up!  I had been preaching for a good bit - but I was sort of a novelty to folks - and while people always spoke kindly of my preaching, no one had ever responded during the invitation! Well, it caught me by surprise - and though I was a bit awkward in handling it - we all got through it!

A "freshly minted" pastor will feel the same way the first time he gets a call to come at once to (name the location) where Mr. or Mrs. church member is about to, or has, passed away!  It will be quite an experience, and the first time it happens, a bit of a surprise. No matter what you think you know or what your level of experience is with such matters, being called upon to be strength, support, guidance, and love to people during times of loss is not easy.  There are so many variables at work in a time of loss that the best thing to do is just show up - and work your way through. 

Variables! They make this time interesting.  Early in my ministry I arrived at a home where the matriarch of the whole family had died.  All but one of her adult sons still lived at home.  The hearse had arrived, the funeral director was standing in the yard, and one adult son had the whole bunch held at bay in the front yard.  His exact words, "No one is going to take my Momma from this house - if they try - they will need that hearse!"  The next words were the funeral director's - (by the way, I was about 24 years old) "Preacher, go talk him down!"  I confess, I made up some stuff - but I convinced him that I had to go in and pray over his Momma for her to have a proper death.  Now, that was at least partially true - for her to be given proper respect, her pastor should be allowed to say a prayer at her bedside!  And he let us in and let her out!  I could not help but notice the 12 gauge shot-gun propped up by the door!

Or the time that Charles * (*name changed) died.  He died suddenly of a heart attack while eating a hot dog, seated in his favorite recliner watching TV.  I arrived before the "authorities."  The next 15 minutes were surreal - I sat there on a chair, she sat on the couch, and Charles* was in the recliner with a partial plate of food sitting in his lap.  It was a long 15 minutes!   

I have dozens of these stories, and I would not even touch on some of the more interesting aspects of each one.  I absolutely mean no disrespect to the dead or their families, but a young pastor needs to have an older, experienced pastor sit down with him and share a few things they don't teach at the seminary!  Every family situation will be different - from glorious to despair!  Some deaths will bring welcome relief from pain and suffering - others will be shocking and leave a family breathless.

And there is the pastor - always at the "ground zero" of pain, loss, and sorrow with the family!  It really should not be a dreaded role - it can be one of the moments that your relationship of love with a family is sealed forever!  More to come....... plus below>>>>> you will need to develop the thoughts from your own heart and ministry!

John 11:35  Jesus Wept
1. He wept because all of life is precious - Many are impacted by death daily
2. He wept because of His particular loss - Lazarus was his dear friend
3. He wept because of the joy to come - "Lazarus, come forth"