Since I could not get to sleep right away tonight, I started reading some old posts from several years ago! I ran across this post - from February 2008! Even though some of the events that prompted that post had been painfully blogged about in previous months, the February post was the most difficult!
That post confirmed my suspicions - I had a breaking point! Years of dealing with the grief of others, and in just a few short months, the loss of three very special people in my life, left me completely unable to help others. Writing that post was, at the time, an admission of defeat on my part! I was embarrassed, humiliated, and to be truthful, afraid of what was happening to me!
I had always, up to that point, seemed to handle whatever came my way! But, I was running on an overload of accumulating grief that was leaving me unable to cope with anything or anybody!
Several wonderful things happened that week! Leadership in the church were SUPER sensitive to my needs - and enabled me to seek out grief counseling for myself! The grief counselor was a God-send! The "intervention" that was recommended was for two or more weeks without any ministry to people! No handling problems - no counseling - no preaching - no preparation - just working on my own emotional health! I cheated! I took one week! But it made a huge difference!
The grief counseling continued for several months - but oh how it helped me! It has continued to be a blessing all these years laters! I now take great care to deal with my own grief when faced with a loss! I've learned the warning signs that I am beginning to get "full" of other people's stuff! And I have learned how to shed most of that without interrupting the rest of my work!
But I will never forget the day I wrote that blog post! I really believed that I had totally failed! It seemed to me that our church would surely look at me as weak and damaged - not the sort of guy with whom they would ever want to talk!
All of that was nonsense! I experienced a great deal of love! I experienced a wonderful time of healing! I experienced the comfort of God in a new and powerful way!
Life's experiences sometimes take us by surprise - and leave us wounded! But God's redemption and grace is strong - His healing is real - and if we pay attention - we learn lessons to last us for the rest of our lives!
I had forgotten about that post until I saw it tonight! I smiled to myself as I read it and remembered all the accompanying fears and feelings that I had when I wrote it! I smiled because all of those fears were unfounded - and God has continued to be a wonderful healer!