In the past, when we have gone out to celebrate an anniversary, the topic usually comes up with store clerks or waiters / waitresses! I remember a waitress being overwhelmed on our 30th anniversary. She just kept telling us she didn't know anyone who stayed married that long these days. She, a very young woman, was already in her second marriage. And of course, if anything has changed in 5 years, it is that more people are just skipping marriage altogether.
At any rate, we get asked, "How did you do it?"
Well, I've given that some thought today off and on. How did we get to 35 years (and trust me - we got to 35 years very quickly)? Here are my tips to getting to 35 years of marriage or more!
1. Make the decision to stay married before you get married. I remember the talk. We were in love - we wanted to get married - and on one day we just talked about it. I told Andrea that I would never be able to completely fulfill the ministry God had called me to if we divorced. She told me that she never wanted a divorce - and would not want our children to go through that. So - that was that - we decided before we got married to never get divorced.
Now, I really don't know if any more numbers will help - but here are a few more things that have contributed to the health of our 35 years.
2. We really did marry "for better or worse!" We have not had that many major disagreements or things we could not resolve. Most of our "worse" has been physical ailments - and until my heart surgery, there had been few of them.
3. We have never dropped the romance! Of any kind! And while I will not elaborate so as not to embarrass my friends and family, it is a form of cruelty and sin to withhold affections from one another for any reason. Our intimacy leaves NO ROOM FOR ANYONE OR ANYTHING ELSE to destroy our marriage.
4. We laugh at each other - and at ourselves. My hearing is increasing the laughter on her part!
5. We love and honor the Lord God in our marriage. This is not 5th in importance. This is the firm foundation of our marriage.
6. We give and take. Neither of us gets 1oo% of what we want - but ultimately, we both enjoy 100% of what we do together.
7. From time to time we do what we are doing now. We look at milestones and celebrate them. Last year, on number 34, I think we just went out to eat. On 20, 25, 30, and now 35, we take the time to celebrate God's blessings. People, junk, problems, church stuff will all survive our absence for a couple of days to enjoy and celebrate the blessings God has bestowed on us for all these years.
8. We always, and continue to this day, to put our relationship ahead of our children. We did not and do not owe our children any priority over our relationship. If our relationship fails, we have wronged our children. And if we failed because we put our children ahead of our own relationship, we would have double-failed them. Don't misunderstand. We did plenty with our kids and still do now that they are adults. But we never had a problem telling them that they could not go eat with us on a date night - or they could not go with us to a movie - or that they had to go spend the night with their friends from time to time - all at the same time!!!!!
9. We love each other in actions - not just words!
10. We wanted to model dedication in marriage to our kids!
Recent Comments